Excitement in the Russian Medical System

9 October, 2008

So on Monday and Tuesday of this week, I felt like something the cat dragged in. I think that I never really got over the whole not-sleeping-on-the-train thing. In any event, I had a fever, a head full of snot, and was pretty miserable. I thought at first I just had a cold, but I was all sorts of sweaty and dizzy as well. And my host mom was (is) convinced that this is because:
a) I sometimes don’t wear my slippers «тапочки» in the house
b) I didn’t bring any of my own medications
c) My hair was not 100% dry in morning when I left*
* (In Russian culture, this is tantamount to drunk driving, or some other equally heinous sin -since most Russians drive drunk as a matter of course- but NONE of them go outside with wet hair)
Usually, as some of you may know, I am a tad reluctant to seek professional medical assistance when I don’t feel well. In fact, it is usually a battle to get me to go. Still, at the insistence of Lyudmila Sergeevna and Megan (our saintly coordinator) I decided to brave the Russian medical system on Tuesday.
First of all, let me make a disclaimer. While not what I am used to, I can not fault in the slightest the treatment I received. But boy, what an experience!
First of all, when I got to the waiting room it was locked. Megan (my translator- I was far too miserable to wrestle with Russian) and I waited patiently outside until the doctor arrived. Then, instead of offering me one of those flimsy gown things doctors are so famous for, I was instructed to just strip. I thought, ok, those gowns are basically the same thing, no worries. Still, it was a shock, if only a brief one. After she ascertained that my lungs and heart were indeed functioning, the real fun began. I was instructed to close my eyes and attempt to touch my nose; Multiple times. At first, my sick-crazed brain didn’t even understand the English translation of this bizarre command. (I quizzed Megan later, she doesn’t know why they do that- it just is. Слава Россию!) Next, I was instructed to lie on the bench. I felt a surge of relief, finally something I recognize! But I was in for more surprises. The doctor picked up one of my legs, and instructed me to tell her if I felt any pain in my neck. I kid you not. We did several rounds of callisthenic-like diagnosis before she was satisfied that I did not yet have rigor mortis. (Or whatever it was she was seeking) She also corroborated the diagnosis of Lyudmila Sergeevna- the wet hair was the main reason I was sick. I asked her how that could be, since I can’t count the number of times I have been outside with damp hair, with nothing too drastic happening,, and it hasn’t even been cold these past few days. She indicated that the sunshine in America kills the bugs. I am not sure I agree. My theory is that Russian germs are simply more malicious than normal ones. They send out search parties, seeking foreigners with wet hair and then they converge on their hapless victim en masse. I mean, after all, they are Russian.
Finally, we were turned loose to find the drugs she prescribed. Note; we could not just go to ANY pharmacy to find these. We had to go to one specific pharmacy that sold that particular drug. Apparently they specialize? I was in for the last shock of the day then, as my drugs cost A LOT more than the visit to the doctor. I spent over 1000 rubles that day- but oh my Lord was it worth it. Those little pills are magical. I feel like a real person now. And I felt MUCH better immediately after taking the first one. And the nose drops are making my nose feel more nose-like, and less like a blocked garden hose. I think the amount of sleeping I did may have helped a great deal as well.
Yay! Our God is an Awesome God! J That never ceases to be a source of amazement for me.

Now, I am almost to the weekend! And on the 25th we have a holiday! I am thinking of going to the Ukraine, or the Arctic Circle. More on that when the plans are definite. Take care!